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Call Me Crazy: The Everything Drawer

Call Me Crazy: The Everything Drawer

Sometimes I feel like I’m a stranger in a strange world. My wife, Candice, and I just celebrated our 12th anniversary, so we shouldn’t have any secrets. But there are some things about her I just don’t know. 

For example, the other day I was wandering around the house looking lost — clutching  a bag of batteries in my hand.  

“What’s up?” asked Candice.  

“Where do these go?” I replied.  

She looked at me as if I’d suddenly lost my marbles. After 12 years, I should know these things.  

“They go in the Everything Drawer,” she replied patiently. 

You could have knocked me down with a feather. We actually have an Everything Drawer?! I never knew. I know where the knives go and where the soup bowls go, but I didn’t know we actually had a drawer for everything.  

And now my problem was: Where the hell is the Everything Drawer? I knew it had to be close to me, but where? I wandered around our home looking increasingly frustrated.  

Finally, Candice took pity on me and directed me to a little-known corner of the kitchen. And there it was — filled with at least 50 batteries, screwdrivers, pencil sharpeners, paper clips, and long-forgotten key rings. 

“How long’s that been here?” I asked with a dumb smile on my face. Candice just looked at me as if I’d gone nuts.  

She’s been trying to train me to do some domestic chores. You know, empty the dishwasher and do the laundry. Once again, I’m more than a little baffled. I waved my favorite sweatshirt and said, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” 

“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?” 

I yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.” 

Candice summed it up: “They say blondes are dumb.” 

Phil Bunton is the Founder of Rivertown Magazine. He is retired and living in Florida with his wife, Candice. 

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