Hearing Aids and Superheroes
I told my doctor that I was concerned that my wife was losing her hearing. I didn’t want to embarrass her, but I wanted to check if she really had a problem. The doctor told me of an easy test: stand 50 feet away and talk to her. If she doesn’t hear, move to 40 feet, and if she doesn’t hear, move to 30 feet. And so on.
So that night I decided to test it. “Hi, honey, what’s for dinner? “ I asked from a distance of 50 feet. No response. So I moved closer. My wife was in the kitchen with her back to me. “Hi, honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no reply.
I moved closer again. Still no reply. So I moved until I was right behind her and said: “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She turned and said: “For the fifth time, it’s chicken!” That’s when I realized it was me who had the hearing problem. The next thing I know, I was locked in a sound-proof booth being zapped with various electron pings and zits. The skilled folks at Costco were checking how bad my problem was. And sure enough I needed hearing aids.
Thank goodness today’s hearing aids are almost impossible to spot. I don’t have to explain to anyone why I’ve got bits of plastic in my ears. So how is my hearing now? Pretty good. I hear all sorts of sounds I never heard before. I hear the floor creaking when I cross it. Really. I can hear people behind me breathing. I can even hear a cockroach cough, my device is so sensitive.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of all these superhero movies. Every week a new one comes out. And every week there are fewer movies I want to see. There’s Aquaman, Thor, Captain America, the Hulk, Wonder Woman and much much more. I’ve seen a few, and I come out of the theater with no idea of what the plot was. The superhero destroyed the Western World from the Eiffel Tower to London’s Tower Bridge. But it all ended happily. You know the plot by heart.
So how about some superheroes for those of us over 50? SuperCrone, Wonder Granny, the Chunk and so on.
Here are some superhero jokes for you.
Where do most superheroes live? Cape Town.
What does Peter Parker tell people when they ask what he does for a living? He says he’s a web designer.
Batman and Robin go camping in the desert. They find a suitable spot, pitch their tent and fall asleep. In the middle of the night, Batman wakes his faithful friend and says: “Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Robin replies: “Why Batman, I see millions of stars.” Batman asks him: “And what does that tell you?” Robin thinks about this for a bit and says: “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Meteorologically, it looks like we’re in for a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?” Batman is also silent for a moment, then says: “Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”
Phil Bunton founded Rivertown magazine way back in 1990. He previously worked on the New York Post, Star magazine, the National Enquirer and a host of British newspapers. He is married to prominent interior designer Candice Boyle.