Call Me Crazy
with Phil Bunton
Candice and I were lying on the beach looking up at a beautiful blue sky. It was a perfect end to a perfect summer day. That’s when Candice said: “You know we live in a World of Yes.”
“We’re at the age where we can do anything we want—and no one can stop us.” And she is right. We’ve both reached that certain age—and I’m not telling you what that age is—where we can basically do whatever we want, and whenever we want.
I want to visit my home country of Scotland after more than 50 years. Well, Yes to that. Candice wants to take a cruise around the world. Well, Yes to that too.
If we want to stay up to three in the morning. If we want to see two movies in one day. If we want to stay in bed until noon.
Well, Yes to all that. Now that we’re both semi-retired the world is our oyster.
I’ve decided to learn to play Canasta. Well, there are free classes available for seniors. Then there’s MahJongg. The trouble is it’s not much of a game for men. But there are other activities like golf and something called pickle ball – whatever that is.
Seniors also have clubs that will take them to the White House or the Museum of Modern Art. Whatever you fancy, many of these are very affordable.
We recently found a beautiful museum that is FREE every Friday night. There’s music, great art and inexpensive food.
My friend Roger actually goes to the five o’clock movie at his local multiplex. Then when it ends, he sneaks into another movie—for FREE. Of course, that’s wrong. But I don’t think Roger is the only person doing it.
When we were in Florida recently, we picked up a wonderful catalog containing hundreds of money-saving coupons for local restaurants and stores. Every time we went out, we chose a place from the catalog and got two dinners for the price of one. In the process we also found dozens of delightful places we didn’t know existed.
The only thing holding us back in this great World of Yes is the God of Money. That round-the-world trip might have to wait a bit.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old woman because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at the of 80. Then, he asked about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she replied.
The interviewer paused then asked: “What did your other husbands do for a living.”
After a short time, a smile came to her face. She answered proudly that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20s. Then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s. A preacher when she was in her 60s—and now a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her quite astonished and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained: “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.”
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear. She said: “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mabel answered: “I have a suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said: “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
Phil Bunton founded Rivertown magazine way back in 1990. He previously worked on the New York Post, Star magazine, the National Enquirer and a host of British newspapers. He is married to prominent interior designer Candice Boyle.